To be coached or not be coached?

The changing shape of interpersonal interactions over the past hundred years is flabbergasting!

Many of the changes, of course, are positive, but the challenge with our ever-diminishing interpersonal connection, is that we have lost the skills to communicate and hence lead and yet there has never been a stronger need to do so. We return to Rafferty’s rules and the game of ‘he who yells loudest’ wins and just look at the past few days on the streets of our cities: police being shot, Aboriginal grounds invaded and women being punched and kicked in front of our eyes on the evening news.

What to do?

I want to congratulate the dozens of participants in my private Gravitas coaching so far in 2025. This takes bravery, commitment to change and an open mind. But the results are there in new jobs, promotions, panels, presentations and media all conquered. There is a passion to lead.

Someone asked me today, what it is exactly that we do in these sessions, and, as I have not put this program together lightly, I thought I would share the thinking.

My work is informed by a breadth of experience in diverse areas (with more degrees than a thermometer), but, as they say, all roads lead to Rome and these days I am inspired by the Ancient Romans and the notion of Gravitas – the manner of Trust and Respect. And how we achieve that is through the five cannons of Rhetoric.

In particular, we focus on what the ancients translate as ‘arrangements’, which I sometimes call ‘structure’ or ‘frameworks’. These include:

• Presentations
• Answering simple questions
• Answering emotional questions
• Feedback
• Breaking bad news
• Asking forgiveness

Basically, there is a framework for every time you open your mouth in every leadership context.

Next, we look at the body and the skills of breathing, having a neutral physical position, listening, moving and where to move, as well as eye contact and congruent gesturing. Then there are the combined skills in making an entrance or attracting attention, as well as ‘how to interrupt’.

We are doing this from two perspectives. Firstly, from the perception of others (what is known as body language), but secondly and more importantly, from the motivation of how the body best works for your own health and control.

​Next comes the voice and this is an area where I follow a strong path of the ‘management of air’. This conquers all the problems of being perceived as speaking too fast, too high, doing uptalk, or even falling into the pit of vocal fry. In fact, the free-flowing voice through a strong exhalation is the very definition of authenticity. This is all outlined in my book ‘Resonate’ with Penguin Random House.

​Every single skill we do then follows a change plan. This means we have to know what your current habitual pattern is, learn the new skill and then wrestle with the unconscious mind to make that change happen.