How does contempt work for you?

Last week, Australia witnessed a powerful reminder that communication isn’t just about what you say; it’s about how you say it when you say it and whether anyone really wants to hear it.

In the aftermath of the federal election, one thing was clear: the nation is demanding clarity, presence, and leadership that connects. Voters responded not to noise but to messages that felt aligned, authentic and grounded. Leadership is shifting and with it, so must the way we communicate.

At the same time, I had the pleasure of speaking at two Golf Business Advisory Services (GBAS) Governance & Leadership events, first in Melbourne and then in Sydney. While the topics ranged from executive presence to decision-making under pressure, one theme ran deep through both rooms: when people feel your presence, they listen to your message. And when they don’t? Even brilliance goes unheard.

A lot of the people I work with these days are finding themselves front and centre in Senate Estimates and political briefings. One issue that came up recently was contempt.

Yes, contempt as a strategy.

Now, let’s be clear. We have deep respect for the Senators doing important national work. But we also know that interactions in these forums can be forceful, sarcastic and at times, intimidating.

So, the age-old question becomes relevant again:
“What do you feed an 800-pound gorilla?”

Answer:
Whatever it wants.

One option that’s often considered (though rarely recommended) is to meet force with contempt.

That is:
You sit back, tilt your head slightly, puff out your chest and give the vibe that says: “I’ve got this under control, and you’d better listen.”

Body language plays a huge role here. Paul Ekman describes the “contempt face” as a slight head tilt back, upper lip raised, and maybe even a lopsided expression. Add a backward lean, maybe an eye roll and voilà you’ve signalled: I’m not here to play.

But let’s get real.

If you’re going to use contempt, you had better be armed to the teeth with answers so precise, so brilliant, they overwhelm your listener and earn forgiveness for your attitude.

Because here’s the thing, it’s exhausting.

It’s an advanced strategy that costs energy, risks connection and doesn’t always land. It’s not an executive presence; it’s a performance.

Instead, I teach leaders to harness gravitas, the deep, unshakable presence that doesn’t shout or scoff but makes people lean in.

Whether you’re speaking to your board, your team, or the Senate, the skills are the same: voice, body, and intention in total alignment.

Contempt might win a moment.
Gravitas wins trust.

Let me hear your thoughts.