How to make presentation-skills-change permanent

You might think presentation skills development is all about just learning the skills. It isn’t. Understanding the unconscious mind and knowing its patterns is essential for achieving lasting change.

All the time I see people clenching their fists, tightening their elbows, covering their mouth or even putting their hands around their neck and shaking their head. These are the challenges that hold us back and block our authentic communication.

The unconscious mind, as theorised by psychologists like Freud and Jung, is a reservoir of thoughts, memories, emotions and desires that influence our behaviour without our conscious awareness. It governs automatic responses, habits and deeply ingrained beliefs formed through past experiences, especially those from early life. While we might think we are making decisions rationally and deliberately, much of our behaviour is actually guided by unconscious processes.

Change really is impossible if you only address the surface, our conscious goals and intentions, without acknowledging the unconscious forces that resist or sabotage those efforts. For example, someone may consciously want to use gestures with open palms yet find themselves repeatedly clenching their fists. This is often because the unconscious mind is holding onto beliefs or fears that were formed in the past, often from school presentations. Unless these deeper associations are identified and understood, change is likely to be temporary or unsuccessful.

Goleman used to speak about the conscious and unconscious mind where the unconscious mind is faster and stronger than the conscious mind. That’s OK. Once you are onto it you just get smarter with the conscious mind. We train the conscious mind so brilliantly, that the unconscious mind either doesn’t get a look in or if we have the skills to override it.

Having just worked with a group for a three-day retreat, it was mind blowing to see the tears of thankful emotion as realisations about patterns were brought to the fore. One realised she would shake her head immediately after practising a skill. Another literally said out loud, “I am hopeless at this” and yet, the skill in both cases was executed perfectly! Neither realised their pattern of negative reinforcement until we pointed it out.

One little prop I have used for years is the reptile-oven-mit. For me, this represents the unconscious mind. Making that mind tangible turns it into a little devil with its own dialogue and dealing with it becomes a game, not a crisis.

No, we are not children. Or are we? At heart, there is always that inner child and whatever tool you have to bring these inner patterns into consciousness is good. Then you can make deliberate choices rather than acting on automatic responses.

Ultimately, understanding the unconscious mind fosters self-compassion and patience. It reminds us that we are not simply lazy or undisciplined when we struggle to change but rather navigating complex, hidden forces that require insight and care. By working with, not against, these deeper layers of the self, we align our conscious intentions with the unconscious mind, making lasting change not only possible but sustainable.

I even suggest we pat the puppet to say, “Thank you for trying to save my life and keep me safe” and then tell it you do not require it FOR THIS TASK.

Befriending the oven-mit can be fun and rewarding. It empowers you to break free from the past and create a future that reflects who you truly are, rather than who you were taught to be.

Your actions:

• The exercise:

– Open your arms wide and hold

• Check your current pattern

– See how long you can hold them without feeling awkward

– See how you bring those arms down. Do you come down fast and slap your sides or do you clench your fists and bring them in tightly?

• Try this technique instead:

– Take the arms out wide again and to bring them down taking your hands directly backward (slightly) with open palms. Then, slowly bring them down beside you. Practise until you can do it easily.

Let me hear your thoughts.

Love,

Dr Louise Mahler